so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
