Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
