Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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