so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
