Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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