Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
