So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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