I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
