All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
