What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
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New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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