Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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