yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
