mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
