I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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