Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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