y did u give ur computer a hand job?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
