how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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