Plan B is the new Plan A
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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