you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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