I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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