My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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