my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
