I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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