Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
