I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
