hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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