you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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