I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
