Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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