I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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