i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
