He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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