we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
