Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
