last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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