Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
