do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
