Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
