man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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