So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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