Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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