It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize