Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
