can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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