he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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