No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
