Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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