Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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