i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Drunk is not a location!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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