a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
