He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
