just tell him i said nine months
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
