Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
