half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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