i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
