Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
