all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
