My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize