I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sober January is a disaster.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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