how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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