Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
