this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
