Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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