Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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