I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
