im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
