after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
