so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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