You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize