so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
