Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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