Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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