the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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