Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
