I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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