dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
