the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
