my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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