Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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